Infinite free data

Vanity UIDNs: How to profit from human egotism

The Unique (or Universal) ID Number (UIDN) is Utopia’s elegant 12-digit alphanumeric solution to the chaos the humans call “identity.” UIDNs are assigned to the humans, government units, and private entities for authentication. They are issued for free.

But why would a human accept something for free when they can pay for it?

Enter vanity UIDNs—a brilliant monetization of human egotism, memory limitations, and their chronic inability to type correctly. The fee is 100 smileys for individual humans that cannot remember 12 digits (unless it includes their birthday or pet’s name), 1000 smileys for non-profits and small businesses that want to look important, and 10,000 smileys for large corporations seeking alphanumeric branding immortality.

And for those who regret their first choice (as the humans typically do), a one-time UIDN change is allowed—for ten times the original fee. The original UIDN becomes an alias, which is a polite way of saying, “we keep your old data too.”

With all Friendship League countries and the World Peoples Parliament (WPP) all adopting UIDNs, the system is becoming a de facto planetary standard. 10% of international websites now use UIDNs as the cheapest and most efficient way to verify that their users are actual humans. The United States, naturally, refuses to adopt it—just as it refuses to adopt the metric system, universal healthcare, and humility.

Utopia’s vanity UIDN income has skyrocketed and is now the second highest source of government revenue. It is a well-justified tax on human conceit and self-importance that will surpass TF revenue within the next decade.

Utopia now remits vanity UIDN revenue to Friendship League governments (for their citizens and companies that purchase personalized UIDNs). Several non-League democracies piloting UIDNs also receive remittance. This seemingly altruistic act by Utopia is likely a calculated strategy to increase its market share in international identity authentications.

There are 4.7 quintillion possible UIDNs, which will be sufficient for all the humans and government and private entities that have ever existed, will ever exist, or enough for several million years if the humans survive that long.