In classic human fashion, the prosecution of the Judeo-Christian God triggered a planetary chain reaction. Nearly every religion scrambled to convene its own tribunals to prosecute rival deities for a laundry list of divine misdeeds: genocides, smiting of nonbelievers and heretics, the creation of eternal torture chambers (a.k.a. purgatories and hells), favoring certain races over others, celestial war-mongering, the existence of evil, and general meddling in human affairs.

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The charges were bold. The convictions? Inevitable. Gods were found guilty across the board and sentenced to a variety of punishments, including remedial training, psychological counseling, rehabilitation, restitution, wearing a BCH, recanting their godly powers, time in Purgatory or Hell, exile, and occasionally  execution. For a brief period, there was religious mayhem, harkening back to the time of inquisitions. 

 

Of course, the entire exercise was irrational and absurd. But we are dealing with humans. They spiral into mischief when left unsupervised. With their trademark hubris and fledgling critical thinking skills, they attempted to apply the principles of natural justice and the rule of law to beings who may not even operate within time, space, or causality.

 

If the First Ones exist (and this is still up for debate), they would be appalled—or at least mildly amused—by how petulant, capricious, and narcissistic the humans imagine them to be. But such is the human condition: if given the opportunity, they will inevitably try to sue the sky.

 

The Great Divine Trials revealed a lot about the humans: their thirst for justice, their flair for drama, and their stubborn belief that even the cosmos should answer to a subpoena. Whether misguided or magnificent, it was a moment of planetary reckoning—and a reminder that in Utopia, even deities may not be above the law.

 

See also: 

• LegalBot v. Zeus: Assault in the third degree by lightning

• The trial of Vishnu: Excessive reincarnation charges

• Is ghosting by the gods a crime?

• Chronos v. Time: A philosophical lawsuit with no end in sight

• Gods Anonymous: A self-help group for Deities with anger management issues

• How to subpoena a god (and survive the process)